My Mummy showing Leg!
People usually eye me with suspicion. Especially the 60 plus crowd who live on my block. I step out on a bright sunny day to go to my daughter's school and fifty shifty eyes will bore into me from balconies, from behind curtains, from tinted car windows. I swear that even the cows stare. No, I am not delusional and I do not have a persecution complex.The way I see it, I am the regular mom. I have two kids and a husband. As far as possible, I go about my life without pissing other people off. Then what is it that makes me look so suspect?I wear only dresses. No high-riding minis or scandalous numbers at all. Just simple one piece attire- summer dresses, shirt dresses, shift dresses, empire-cut dresses, maxi-dresses. As opposed to salwar khameez or jeans/T-shirt-kurtas which 90% of the population wear. That is what makes me stick out and make people hide behind curtains to see what it is that I step out in.
Of course, if I wanted, I could ditch my wardrobe and get some kurtas and jeans and dress like most other young people. Blend into the crowd. The "When in Rome..." tactic. Or I could just be myself. A pretty brave decision these days with the Ram Sena on the prowl, beating up women in non-Indian clothing. But then, that's me. No apologies about anything.
Everyday, I take my kids to a little park behind the local temple. The place teems with elderly, 60-plus women. They are of course, "dressed appropriately" in sarees and blouses ( never mind that they burst out of them or have rolls of fat clinging to their stomachs and hips on display for all to see. They don't by any stretch of imagination consider their clothes to be revealing. They are in "Indian attire" and consequently, "decent").
In my wardrobe, I have marked out a few as "temple-appropriate-clothing" which while being non-offending stuff, still falls within my style parameter- Long skirts, collared tops, stuff that buttons all the way up to the neck, ankle length dresses. Basically, nothing is on display. All covered up.
In spite of this, I have been pulled up more than five times by five different women. The conversation is the same with slight script variations. Here's how it usually goes:
An elderly woman rolls over to me and tries very hard to pull a convincing smile."You come here everyday with your kids?".
She scans me up and down beginning with my hair. It is a porcupine cut. Short and un-womanly. Then she looks at my skirt and blouse. I am in a full length tweed skirt and white peasant top. I could be a back up singer in a Hippie band...
"Yes Aunty", I bow respectfully, "Kids get bored in the evenings My daughter loves to play on the swing and my son gets very excited about going out".
Her next question, with its tactless delivery and bad manners, slams me like the stone that hit Goliath between the eyes.
"Are you Krrrrishyan?". She waits tensely for my answer.
Krrrrishyan? What the hell is Krrrrishyan? Ah! She means Christian...
I regain my composure and try not to show my irritation. "No Aunty. I am Hindu. Just like you. You are Hindu, right? I mean, you got to be Hindu because you are here at the temple!". I resist the urge to be cheeky.
The woman looks relieved that I haven't violated the premises. The Non-believer on the Believer's ground Syndrome. But that is short lived. She looks at me disapprovingly.
"I thought you were Krrrrishyan".
Really? What does Krrrrishyan look like? Am I carrying a cross on my back? Or do I have a poster on my forehead that screams Krrrrishyan?
She adjusts her saree over her love handles and says " You must at least wear a bindi, okay? All Hindus must wear bindis".
I smile, excuse myself and shuffle my kids towards the park. The woman goes and sits with her friends and says something to them. One cranes her head and looks in my direction and they all go back to their discussion.
I am not bitter. It's a generational thing, I say. Distrust, bigotry, stereotyping are things one has to live with. My concerns are more immediate- my family teases me saying that I am a prime candidate for Muthalik's beatings! Three women got beaten last week in the city for wearing "Western clothing". There is some kind of Talibanisation happening with Hindu Fundamentalists turning keepers of public morality. Aaah! That way, the folks on my block, the obese judgmental women, are all angels. No one has thrashed me... Yet! :-D
Of course, if I wanted, I could ditch my wardrobe and get some kurtas and jeans and dress like most other young people. Blend into the crowd. The "When in Rome..." tactic. Or I could just be myself. A pretty brave decision these days with the Ram Sena on the prowl, beating up women in non-Indian clothing. But then, that's me. No apologies about anything.
Everyday, I take my kids to a little park behind the local temple. The place teems with elderly, 60-plus women. They are of course, "dressed appropriately" in sarees and blouses ( never mind that they burst out of them or have rolls of fat clinging to their stomachs and hips on display for all to see. They don't by any stretch of imagination consider their clothes to be revealing. They are in "Indian attire" and consequently, "decent").
In my wardrobe, I have marked out a few as "temple-appropriate-clothing" which while being non-offending stuff, still falls within my style parameter- Long skirts, collared tops, stuff that buttons all the way up to the neck, ankle length dresses. Basically, nothing is on display. All covered up.
In spite of this, I have been pulled up more than five times by five different women. The conversation is the same with slight script variations. Here's how it usually goes:
An elderly woman rolls over to me and tries very hard to pull a convincing smile."You come here everyday with your kids?".
She scans me up and down beginning with my hair. It is a porcupine cut. Short and un-womanly. Then she looks at my skirt and blouse. I am in a full length tweed skirt and white peasant top. I could be a back up singer in a Hippie band...
"Yes Aunty", I bow respectfully, "Kids get bored in the evenings My daughter loves to play on the swing and my son gets very excited about going out".
Her next question, with its tactless delivery and bad manners, slams me like the stone that hit Goliath between the eyes.
"Are you Krrrrishyan?". She waits tensely for my answer.
Krrrrishyan? What the hell is Krrrrishyan? Ah! She means Christian...
I regain my composure and try not to show my irritation. "No Aunty. I am Hindu. Just like you. You are Hindu, right? I mean, you got to be Hindu because you are here at the temple!". I resist the urge to be cheeky.
The woman looks relieved that I haven't violated the premises. The Non-believer on the Believer's ground Syndrome. But that is short lived. She looks at me disapprovingly.
"I thought you were Krrrrishyan".
Really? What does Krrrrishyan look like? Am I carrying a cross on my back? Or do I have a poster on my forehead that screams Krrrrishyan?
She adjusts her saree over her love handles and says " You must at least wear a bindi, okay? All Hindus must wear bindis".
I smile, excuse myself and shuffle my kids towards the park. The woman goes and sits with her friends and says something to them. One cranes her head and looks in my direction and they all go back to their discussion.
I am not bitter. It's a generational thing, I say. Distrust, bigotry, stereotyping are things one has to live with. My concerns are more immediate- my family teases me saying that I am a prime candidate for Muthalik's beatings! Three women got beaten last week in the city for wearing "Western clothing". There is some kind of Talibanisation happening with Hindu Fundamentalists turning keepers of public morality. Aaah! That way, the folks on my block, the obese judgmental women, are all angels. No one has thrashed me... Yet! :-D
posted by oormila vijayakrishnan at 9:55 AM
4 Comments:
public can never keep things to them self - they always find it amusing to poke their nose into others and finds pleasure in 'correcting' others.
hope the talibanisation by Hindu fundamentalists stops - they are people who just want to grab the limelight...
kudos for treading the difficult path and keeping the you as you!. not many understands the need of keeping ones own identity...
sigh....i so understand what you say...this reminded me of my kolkata days...i was pregnant and highly confortable in dresses...long flowing ones, but the stares i got while going on my daily walks!!!
but what's happening in bangalore is outrageous!
A neighbour of yours sent me your blog link! I loved reading it - you write v well. Laughed a lot at the Krishhyyan bit - Well, I am Krishyyan but wear Indian clothes and would be quite dismayed when classmates would ask me if my mother wore frocks and smoked ciggarettes! ha ha!
Hey Oormila, you are soooo right! Well.. if its auntys at the temple for you, its the pizza delivery guys, (supposedly Krishhyyan?!!?) who oggle at me whenever I wear long, non-revealing skirts with decent t-shirts on top(at home, mind you!). And yes, they can put electronic scanners to shame. Well.. I must say that you are gudsy man! Keep it up girl!! Just don't go near a pink chaddi!! :)
Best! Roopa
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